How many times have I compared myself to others social media success stories? Those ones where you know the owner of those stories is bullshitting?
The constant bright shiny status updates that make me feel inadequate and less. Feel like giving up and I’m not sure what I should be giving up – give up some nameless unspoken competition? Why not in a good way, why more like there’s no point trying because no matter what I do it will never match up to those bright twinkling statuses. I’m not worth anyone’s time and I’m smaller, somehow less me and somehow dingy and dirty.
Even the ones that I know are a smooth featureless constant stream of false declarations “look at me, my life is most wondrous , sprinkled with fairy dust and pure gold glitter “ they still get to me somehow, even though I know they aren’t quite as blissfully happy as they project…
I still feel as though somehow they have achieved something I’ve missed, something I’ve looked at from the outside,something I’ve been reaching for but never quite grasped as it slips away again and I submerge under the wave of depression, waiting for the time I’ll roll back up again to thrash around frantically trying to grab that slippery glittery beast that is called Happiness. Success. Achievement. The admiration that others appear to expect, to bask in…
I didn’t want to be in any competition. Don’t want to compete with other’s loveliness , didn’t set out to best anyone else. I’m not interested in being someone else, in projecting a false impression of my life, pretending to be something I’m not.
So why do I still find myself sometimes comparing?
I want to work on acceptance of my good qualities as well as getting a grip on the bad. Balance and harmony are within reach, I just need to learn how to accept and allow them.
Xx
A journey-living with depression and anxiety 
I find myself doing this all the time as well. No achievment has ever been enough and it’s infuriating. I totally get where you are coming from 💖💖
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I’ve done this before and it’s got especially worse since I started blogging. It’s too easy to feel inadequate in comparison to others and as someone who likes to master things immediately, I can find it really hard! I just constantly remind myself that I’m the only me, that makes me special, there’s no competition as we are all different. Each time I find myself comparing myself to others that’s what I do. If it becomes too overwhelming I take a break from social media until I feel mentally strong enough to go back to it. Take care of yourself, really enjoyed this post 🙂 x
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It’s a really good idea to be reminding yourself you are a unique version of humanity, I think I need to write that somewhere I can see it several times a day!
I also totally agree with taking a break when it’s all getting a bit much. Sometimes I find that a challenge as I then accuse myself of giving up but it’s a work in progress.
Thank you for your reply 🙂 x
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